Anxiety & Social Media
People only see the highlights reel.
It’s funny because I make wedding highlight reels as a job. Yet here I am, struggling with scrolling through my Instagram feed and feeling anxious.
I woke up at 3:20am — and I don’t think it was jet lag. I had a sinking feeling and worry just swept over me.
Everyone looks like they’re succeeding; all these epic shots and booming businesses and thousands upon thousands of followers. It seems like they got their shit together, if you know what I mean. And here I am, hardcore paddling through the waves of life and feeling like I’m gasping for air. Overwhelmed with balancing the workload and being a healthy human being, but grateful for all the experiences I’ve had at the same time.
Feeling the best in my Malola Swimwear. Siete Pecados, Coron, Palawan. Philippines 2017.
Being back in the Philippines has made me so nostalgic and pensive. I’ve been thinking about why we do the things we do.
I want those epic shots.
I want to hustle harder and grow the business.
I want all these things and more, but I’m also very exhausted. Do I need the added pressure?
Why do I even want these? Why am I doing what I’m doing?
I always want my intentions to come from a place of peace, freedom, authenticity, and joy. I had to stop myself from looking and comparing. It’s an illness, I tell ya. Social media can be such an encouraging place, but it can also eat you up inside if you allow it.
I was just in Coron, Palawan with my sisters and cousin for a little getaway - and I felt sick to my stomach about the pressure of “getting the shot” and making sure I have “everything I need”. Why was that even in my head? Can’t I just be on this island and enjoy the company of my family? Can’t I just take these photos to keep for my memories?
I feel like the universe (or God) really helps in humbling me and re-organizing my frame of mind. I was so focused on getting the shot for the sake of social media - when my camera bag fell in the water. Yup. My worst fears came true haha. It was an accident - these things happen (and yes I have insurance it’s totally okay).
I was shocked at first — then relieved. I don’t have to make a freaking highlights reel of this trip for social media. I can just sit on the beach under the sun, laugh with my family, eat home cooked meals, and swim in the ocean. I can capture memories freely for the sake of capturing memories.
* * *
I look back now and realise the importance of having self-discipline.
After a conversation with Sam, I was encouraged to only check social media if:
- It was for the purpose of helping others;
- I had something meaningful to share;
- I wasn't going to bring myself (and others) down.
Time is so precious, and I don't want to waste it comparing myself to others and their journey. We all have our paths and we are all in different seasons of life. THIS is my journey. I've struggled with a lot of insecurities, anxiety, depression, toxic relationships, hustling hard to grow my business, doubting myself (heaps), and asking for help.
Bottomline is: I'm not giving up.
As successful as others can be, I still have my stories to share.
In my own time.
Note: Probably when wedding season slows down. Lol.
For now, I'm going to be sharing things that I've learnt over the past two years.
About travel.
About anxiety.
About food and fitness and loving myself again.
About relationships, friendships, loss, and moving forward.
About hope, gratitude, and re-discovering joy.
About whatever the hell I want, pretty much.
You'll see some of the highlights reel, but you'll also see the bloopers and definitely the raw stuff too. I won't allow the noise of this world to drown my voice out.
Patty x